When the Amazon has burned down
by IsabellaSmith1974
Summary: At the end of 7x13 The Killer Inside Me, Kennedy and Willow head back to the house. What if Willow felt that she needed to be somewhere else?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:****When the Amazon has burned down.**

**Author:****IsabellaSmith1974**

**Rating:**** T for now but may increase.**

**Disclaimer:**** I own none of the Buffyverse characters. I am just borrowing them**

**Spoilers:**** All 7 Seasons**

**Feedback:**** It would be great. Good or Bad. I don't mind.**

**Summary:**** At the end of 7x13 The Killer Inside Me, Kennedy and Willow head back to the house. What if Willow felt that she needed to be somewhere else.**

"_Willow, what did you do?"_Kennedy asked. Scared by the fact that a handgun is pointing at her head but she knew she had to keep calm, for her sake more than anyone else.

"_You were there, bitch! You saw it!"_Willow spat. She could feel the anger coming from Warren but also herself. _How could she have been so stupid?_ "_I killed her."_

Kennedy already had no idea what was happening but then Willow said "her". _Did she not kill a man? Wasn't it the man that she now looks like?_ "_You mean him?"_

"_Her, him"_Realising her mistake, Willow tries to cover it up. "_You know what I mean."_ _Why was Kennedy asking all the questions anyway?_ _She had the gun_.

"_You said her." _Kennedy knew that Willow was hiding something and wanted to find out how it ended up with her in the backyard with a gun pointed at her.

"_No, that was Warren" _Willow could see that there was no way to get round it. Kennedy was not going to give up so easy. _Stubborn little bitch_.

"_No, no it wasn't. You said I was there. Who did you kill, Willow?"_ Kennedy could tell that Willow was calming down a bit. Her hold on the gun was loosening.

Before Kennedy could react, Willow's hand gripped to the gun and held it firmly, pointing straight at her. _"It was your fault, slut. You tricked me. Got me to forget." _Another surge of anger coursed through Willow's veins.

It all clicked into place. The reason why Willow was so upset, _"Tara", _Kennedy cursed herself for being so slow. _Of course, it was about her. Willow couldn't stop talking about her._

"_Shut up! You do not get to say her name. Offering it up to whoever's there. Tricking me into kissing you."_ Willow cried out. She could feel Warren taking over and knew she needed to stop before there is another head added to her body count. Willow tried to calm down. Feeling lost by what is happening. _"I didn't—I didn't mean... what I'm saying, I—I can't make"_ Willow's eyes pleading that Kennedy would believe her. _"Kennedy, I can't hold on... he's winning"_

Kennedy steps forward, feeling the need to comfort her but still being careful as, still pointed at her head was, the gun._"No..."_

"_I'm being punished. I k—I kissed you just—just for a second, but it was enough. I let her go. I didn't mean to" _Willow's voice sang of all the emotions that was building up in the previous few months.

Kennedy's heart sank at the sight of the grieving woman. She felt a little bit responsible but knew that it wasn't the time to play the blame game. "_Kissing me didn't mean th..._"

Willow had already started talking before Kennedy could finish her sentence. "_No, she was never gone. She was with me. We should have been forever and I..." _Willow cried, already feeling Warren's essence weakening. _"I let her be dead. She's really dead." _Tears rolling down Willow's cheeks as she realises what truly happened. She let Tara go. _"And I killed her." _Willow falls to the ground as all the feelings crashes into her at once.

Seeing Willow's guard fall, Kennedy approaches her. Understanding that Willow was feeling guilt over what happened, Kennedy tries to reassure that it isn't what she thinks, _"Willow, no."_

Ignoring Kennedy's sign of comfort, Willow looks up to the sky and pleads, _"Please, baby, I'm so sorry. Come back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Come back..." _Hoping that Tara was listening and that she would come back to her, which would stop the pain.

Kennedy kneels down in front of Willow and tries to get her attention. _"Willow, I don't think you did anything wrong. This is just magic. And I think I'm figuring the whole magic thing out. It's just like fairy tales."_ Kennedy leans in closer to Willow.

"_What are you doing?" _Willow states. Not understanding where Kennedy is going with this and aware of how close she is.

"_Bringing you back to life."_ Kennedy leans in the final centimetres and finally places her lips over Willows. To Kennedy's surprise, Willow does kiss back but lacking any real passion, which was understandable in this situation. Waiting until she feels the change in the softness of lips and the absence of light stubble, Kennedy pulls away.

Sitting back on her knees, she huffs at the amazement of the transformation that happened again but vice versa. _I prefer it this way_ she thought as pride reached her voice. _"Hmm. I am good."_A smile plastered to her face.

Willow realised what Kennedy meant but still needed to be sure._ "It's—it's me?"_ She touches her face. _"I'm back? Oh, God..." _A wave of guilt hits Willow as she realises what she had just down. How she just let Warren take over her and how she came to except Tara's death.

Happy that it is all finally over, Kennedy asks, "_Are you all right?"_ Immediately Kennedy regrets that question as she watches the turmoil on Willow's face.

Willow jumps back. Her hands still touching cheeks. Almost to make sure that she doesn't turn again. _"Kennedy, I'm sorry. I-I can't do this. Right now. I-I need some time to think things over."_ Willow stumbles to her feet. Tears still quietly rolling down her cheeks. _"Tell the others that I will be back later. Don't worry about me."_ Willow steps backwards, heading towards the back gate and away from this scene. _"I just need time and s-space."_ She quickly hurries back through the way she came.

Kennedy watches the panic take over Willow. Not knowing what to do Kennedy lets Willow leave. She felt stopping Willow would only cause more pain for the redhead. After Willow was safely out of the garden, Kennedy stood up and headed inside. Murmuring about needing a cup of tea.

Meanwhile, Willow slowly wanders through the early streets of Sunnydale. Not really taking in the environment around her, she covers her eyes from the rising sun. She knows that she is beyond tired and heading back to bed would be a reasonable idea but she had a place that she must go to. A place where she could be herself and not have to be brave (Even though she hadn't been putting on her brave face on lately). A place where she could be alone but not lonely. Right now, she needed to be at Tara's grave.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: ****When the Amazon has burned down.**

**Author:****IsabellaSmith1974**

**Rating:**** T for now but may increase.**

**Disclaimer:**** I own none of the Buffyverse characters. I am just borrowing them**

**Spoilers:**** All 7 Seasons**

**Feedback:**** It would be great. Good or Bad. I don't mind.**

**Summary:**** At the end of 7x13 The Killer Inside Me, Kennedy and Willow head back to the house. What if Willow felt that she needed to be somewhere else.**

Willow hugged herself, around her waist, as she walks through the warm streets. Her hair flowing by the side of her face as she watches her feet take each step. She remembers the last time she felt like this. It was after she found Oz and Veruca together. How she wandered the streets letting her feet take over as her mind goes numb.

It is different this time. Not just because her hair is longer, and is now being a nuisance, but because she has a place in which she is heading. Back then, she just wanted to be away from what had happened even if that leads to almost being hit by a car. Willow thought she could never get through the pain and betrayal that Oz had caused but now she looks back and almost laugh how easier it was back then.

There was no death, no resurrection, no leaving, and no murder. All that happened was the person Willow loved ripped her heart into pieces. Which sounds bad but now Willow's heart feels like ashes blowing in the wind after being set on fire. At least back then, she could look forward for someone to come around and put her heart together, even if she did not intentionally.

That is where Tara fit in; well not fit more like mended, made complete or something like that. She made everything seem so much clearer. Sometimes the clearer picture was worst but it never mattered as long as Willow was in Tara's arms. Willow only felt safe when she was in Tara's arms. Feeling safe on a Hellmouth is very rare, so when Tara was token away from her it hurt like hell. (Excuse the pun)That is why Willow was now walking through the graveyard. To be at a place where she is closes to feeling safe.

Willow approached the tombstone that has become a familiar place for her. The pebbles, which she left last time she was here, still placed on top. Her trembling fingers stroked the small smooth rocks. They were damp. Still wet from the morning drew. Willow took off her leather jacket and placed it by the grave. She slowly lowered herself onto it trying to avoid the wet grass.

Willow took a deep breath to calm her nerves, still shocked by what had happened, the previous 24hrs. She did not know where to start but knew where she wanted end up, in Tara's warm embrace but it would never end up like that. Therefore, Willow just always spoke from her heart even if it was a pile of dust.

"_Hey, it's me." _Willow always begins with this. She starts to trace Tara's name on the tombstone. It makes her feel more connected in some way. _"I'm sorry." _She traces over the 7th May 2002. "_It hasn't even been a year and I am already making out with someone I just met. Well if it helps I learnt my lesson. Being Warren for a day sure helped me get my priorities checked. I'm not ready to move on." _Willow places her hands on laps and sits back.

"_I know you probably want me to be happy but I don't think it is the time. You know with the First trying to kill us all. That can be a giant turn off."_ A slight smile reaches Willow's lips. _"I was saying the truth when I said that we were meant to be together forever and that I feel like I let you down. Not feel, know. I did let you down. I promised that I would always find you and now look at me. Sitting on your grave telling you I can't move on yet." _Silent tears start to roll down Willow's cheeks. It surprises her that she can cry any more.

"_I know it is not my fault that you died. It was Warren's but I still feel responsible. I messed up so much last year and it all started when I brought Buffy back. When Buffy died we were all grieving but we were together. I could not accept that so I brought her back, pulled her out of heaven. That changed everything. That led to your death. I choose Buffy over you." _Not able to hold back the tears any longer, Willow started to cry.

"_I'm Sorry," _Willow repeated through sobs. Her realisation dug deep into her and twisted her insides. It was true and she knew it. She just never accepted the fact that she picked Buffy over Tara. Willow loves Buffy but it was her time and if she could have just accepted it then Tara might be with her right now. The First would not be after them and Buffy would be happy.

By the time Willow's sobs calmed the exhaustion took over her body and she laid down to sleep. The warm sun had evaporated most of the water so it was manageable to lie on. Willow's breathing became more peaceful as she fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: ****When the Amazon has burned down.**

**Author:****IsabellaSmith1974**

**Rating:**** T for now but may increase.**

**Disclaimer:**** I own none of the Buffyverse characters. I am just borrowing them**

**Spoilers:**** All 7 Seasons**

**Feedback:**** It would be great. Good or Bad. I don't mind.**

**Summary:**** At the end of 7x13 The Killer Inside Me, Kennedy and Willow head back to the house. What if Willow felt that she needed to be somewhere else.**

Willow woke up to the sound of an unknown voice and a gentle touch on her arm. "_Hey, um sorry for waking you up but it looks like it is going to rain."_ Willow looked up to discover who was there. She silently laughed to herself. There are 12 cemeteries in Sunnydale where she has spent most of the last seven years in but this is the first time she had ever met a cemetery caretaker.

"_Thanks. I guess I should head home then."_ Willow said still half asleep. She was lifting herself up when she felt the caretaker give her hand. She whispered _"Thanks"_ in gratitude and gave the caretaker a half smile. Getting up is a lot of effort when you have just woken up from lying on the ground.

The caretaker looked down at the tombstone and said, _"I'm sorry for your lost. Was she a friend or a relative?"_ Willow looked over at the middle-aged man with medium lengthened dark hair and said one word with utter confidence, _"Soulmate."_

"_I guess sorry doesn't cut it then, huh." _Willow was expecting a homophobic comment but instead just found sympathy. _"Working in a cemetery you witness things, many things. Same sex relationships just don't scare me like they do to other people anymore." _The caretaker said still looking at the tombstone.

He looked up at Willow and smiled. _"I'll leave you be. Just remember to stay strong." _The caretaker placed a comforting hand on Willow's shoulder. Willow looked at his hand and whispered, _"Like an Amazon."_ She did not mean for him to hear her.

"_Huh, I never heard of that before. Must be what the kids are saying nowadays. Anyway, I'll be seeing you." __He turned and walked away. __"Thanks again" _Willow shouted, remembering her manners.

Willow looked up to see dark clouds appearing_.__ "Home time" _she whispered. _"Bye Baby, I'll be back soon,"_ she said to the tombstone as she headed out of the cemetery.

**Meanwhile:**

"_WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE JUST LEFT?" _Buffy screamed at Kennedy. Giles and the others were soon to arrive back at the house and Buffy did not want a missing Willow to add to all the problems. It would be hard enough to tell them that she had Spike's chip removed.

"_I have told you like twice now. Amy put Willow under a hex to make her look like Warren when we kissed. Then when Willow/Warren went hell Mary in the backyard, I kissed her to undo the spell. Willow was back but then freaked and left. She said she would come back later." _Kennedy explained. Annoyed by the fact she had already told Buffy and now just wants to sleep.

"_And you didn't think to follow HER?"_ Buffy said, asking as if Kennedy was a five year old. She knew Kennedy was a brat but did not think she was stupid.

"_Well I said she should come in to rest but she said she had somewhere to be and to be there alone. Anyway, I was the one to get a gun pointed at and I saved Willow. Why are you having go at me like it is my fault?"_ Kennedy asked. She was getting tired of Buffy asking questions and accusing her, she just wanted to sleep.

"_Maybe if you went on the hokey pokey quest then none of this would have happened!" _Buffy knew she was wasting time and should look for Willow but truth was she already knew where Willow was.

"_Screw you! I'm going to bed. You know cos I was babysitting Willow all night!" _Kennedy exclaimed. Part of it was her fault but she was tired and preferred to worry about it after a long nap. Kennedy got up from the Kitchen stall and left heading to the bedroom she shared with Willow, leaving an anxious Buffy.

Buffy watched the potential leave and sighed. She looked down at the cup of tea in her hands that had gotten cold after her 'talk' with Kennedy. The whole First thing was exhausting and now she had to worry about her personal life. Willow needed a friend right now but she also needed space and Buffy does not know which one Willow needs the most.

Buffy looked out the kitchen window to reveal that dark clouds had started to cover the sky. She hoped that Willow was okay and wanted to be with her but she knew that Willow preferred to be alone when visiting Tara's grave. Buffy understood that as she herself liked to be alone when she visited her mother's grave. Sometimes she would let Dawn come but she always liked to mourn alone.

**Elsewhere in Sunnydale:**

It does not rain a lot in Sunnydale, hence the name, but when it does, it rain loads. Unfortunately, for Willow, she was walking home when the heavens open. (Not literally) If the heavens did open then maybe, they would have a better chance at beating the First. Nope just a figure of speech of how it was raining.

By the time Willow was halfway home, she was already drenched. Her leather jacket was too small to cover herself so she just left it on. The streets were quiet although there were a few people with umbrellas going by their normal lives. No one looked at Willow as she walked past the Espresso Pump. People who have lived in Sunnydale for a while know that it is best to just keep to your life as you never know when it may lead to a 'Neck trauma'.

Willow did not mind though. She wanted to be alone for now. The second she gets back to the Summer's house, she would be bombarded with questions. Therefore, this was a good time to make excuses. She could say that she went to look for Amy. On the other hand, they would think she went for revenge. Maybe saying she went on a walk is for the best. Well technically, she did. However, she ended up falling asleep on her ex-girlfriend's grave.

The rest of the walk back Willow was lost in her thoughts. If she had not looked up, now and then she would have made the wrong turns, which would have prolonged the walk. On one hand that would avoid going back to Buffy and perhaps the others but on the other hand Willow was already soaked and needed to dry off if she wanted any chance of not being ill.

When Willow finally arrived at Revello Drive, the first thing she noticed was that the school bus, which Giles had hired off Sunnydale High, was not there. Willow was glad about that as it meant that she could perhaps get away with going AWOL.

Willow headed up the drive. She felt horrible. Her side was sore from lying on the ground, for God knows how long, and she felt ill from getting soaked. Truth is the last 24 hours for Willow had been interesting. Now Willow just wanted to have a warm shower and to sleep. Problem was she shares her room with Kennedy and Willow could not be bothered to deal with her right now.

As Willow opened the front door, she was greeted with something she could not believe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: ****When the Amazon has burned down.**

**Author:****IsabellaSmith1974**

**Rating:**** T for now but may increase.**

**Disclaimer:**** I own none of the Buffyverse characters. I am just borrowing them**

**Spoilers:**** All 7 Seasons**

**Feedback:**** It would be great. Good or Bad. I don't mind.**

**Summary:**** At the end of 7x13 The Killer Inside Me, Kennedy and Willow head back to the house. What if Willow felt that she needed to be somewhere else.**

Willow had expected the following things to happen: she would walk to the stairs; Buffy would appear suddenly and be like '_Where do you think you are going?' _then Willow would be caught and have to explain everything_. _Instead, a big towel attacked Willow.

Buffy was holding the towel thankfully. (On the Hellmouth, a lone towel attacking you is very possible) Despite the fact that she was in no real danger Willow still yelped at the sudden contact as living on the Hellmouth taught her to scream first ask questions later.

"_Sorry. Guess I should have warned you before I pounced" _Buffy said realising that she had just scared her best friend. _"I saw it raining outside and knew you would come back soaked. Well if you came back at all." _

"_Fine, fine, fine. Have a go at me. It wouldn't make a difference anyway. I mean I am exhausted, wet, tired and my side is all stiff and sore. You snide comments cannot make me feel any worse." _Willow hissed. She looked at Buffy and discovered that the Blonde appeared hurt.

"_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you I'm just... wet. Very wet. Being wet does not make me a ball of sunshine."_ Willow explained. Her facial expressions saddened when she remembered her 'ball of sunshine' spell she did with Tara.

"_S'okay. Why don't you go upstairs and have a hot shower before all the potentials arrive and I'll bring up a drink and some food. I bet you haven't eaten since last night." _Buffy said. Glad that her friend is back safe.

"_Yeah, your right. Where is Kennedy? Didn't she explain what happened?" _Willow asked. She didn't want to see Kennedy just wanted to know where she is so she can avoid her.

"_She's in your room. Asleep probably. And yeah she did explain. A couple of times. I really wasn't with it. You can stay in Dawn's room for now." _Buffy answered. She knew that Willow would want to rest without the potential.

"_Thanks."_ Willow kicked off her shoes and hugged the towel tightly around her. She then headed up the stairs. She could already hear the warm shower calling to her. To heal all her aches and pains.

Buffy watched her best friend of the last seven years drag herself up the stairs. All she could think about was _'How did we end up here'. _Buffy still remembers when her biggest problem was an old vampire with fruit punch mouth and if Angel liked her. Buffy smiled when she remembered how Willow was an adorable nerd with a giant crush on Xander when they first met. Now she is a heartbroken lesbian witch who almost ended the world. _'Talk about a busy seven years'_,Buffy thought to herself.

Buffy then headed towards the kitchen to find some food that hasn't been eaten yet and to make a cup of tea. Meanwhile, Willow had just reached the bathroom.

Willow locked the door behind her and dropped the towel. She walked over to the mirror and looked at herself. Her hair clung to her face and so did her clothes. Heavy bags hung from under her eyes and her cheeks were rosy from the cold. Altogether, she looked awful. It was somewhat ironic as she felt like that as well.

One by one, Willow removed a piece of clothing until she was staring at her naked body. She took a deep sigh and headed towards the shower. She slowly eased her legs over the bath side, as they were still sore. She placed one hand on the cold tile to keep her balance and then turned on the shower.

Placing both hands on the wall she relaxed and let the water wash over her. The water was cold at first but her body was too numb to do anything about it so Willow just waited until the water finally warmed up.

Although she only had enough strength to keep herself from falling over, she still managed to cry. Hushed tears fell from her cheeks, burning her eyes once again. Crying seemed to have become Willow's new hobby in the last day.

When the water started to get cold again, Willow turned off the shower and got out of the bathtub. Getting out of the bath seemed to be a lot easier as getting in as the shower loosened up her muscles. Willow grabbed a towel from the pile on the side and started to dry herself off. It wasn't until the quiet knock on the door did she realise she had no pyjamas.

"_Hey Willow. I heard you come in and I thought you might like something to wear." _Kennedy's voice travelled though the door. Willow wrapped her towel tightly around her body and opened the door.

"_Don't worry I'm going to give you space, I just thought you might want these." _Kennedy passed a Willow clean tank top and some shorts. She then turned and left in the direction of their shared room.

Willow stared blankly down the hallway that Kennedy had just departed. She didn't know how to respond to what just happened. Willow had only seen Kennedy confident and sometimes bitchy but right then Kennedy was actually being considerate.

Still holding her new clothes and towel, Willow headed back into the bathroom to finish drying off and to get change. Her muscles still ached but Willow managed to get change with quite an ease. She put her soaked clothes in the hamper then left the bathroom.

Walking down the hallway, Willow stopped outside Buffy's room. It was originally Joyce's bedroom then when she and Buffy died, Willow and Tara moved in. The room where Tara spent her last few hours before a stray bullet killed her.

Realising that she had been staring at the door for over a minute, Willow walked into Dawn's room and sat down on her bed. The Potential's stuff covered the room so much that you could barely recognize the carpet. The door opened and Buffy walked in with tray. Willow could identify a sandwich and a cup of tea. Buffy placed the tray on the bedside cabinet.

"_There you go. Waitress Anne to the rescue." _Buffy said. She then suddenly grimaced at her realisation. The last time she had said that she went to Hell. _"Okay maybe not."_

"_Um, Buffy. What are you talking about?" _Willow asked. Not sure what Buffy was going on about and wondering why she used her middle name.

"_Never mind, you get some rest now and if you need anything just shout. I'll try to keep the others quiet when they get back but there is no guarantee." _Buffy said. Knowing now was not a good time to go down memory lane.

"_Thanks Buffs" _Willow said as Buffy headed out of the door. She wasn't up for eating so she drank some of the tea while it was still warm. She then laid down on the bed and went into a deep slumber.


End file.
